yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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