its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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