the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
