he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
