I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
