I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
