Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ketchup is God's man juice
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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