This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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