Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
