You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
