Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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