Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
