You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
