I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
