he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
