I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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