Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
