My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
