How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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