i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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