i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
