am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
