i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
