There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
