now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
