my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
