I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
