I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
