we have pet lesbian snakes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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