he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
