If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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