the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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