he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
