I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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