I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
