I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
