did you get engaged???
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
