man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
