he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
