is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
