How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
