Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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