i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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