my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
