I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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