I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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