Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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