The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
NoShamevember. You game?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
