you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
