As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
