My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
