yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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