Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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