Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
