I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
