Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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