ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
