She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
