i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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