I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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